How to Set Boundaries With a New Partner

charlaf7 | September 10, 2020 | 1 | News

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There are not many things in life that are better than falling in love with someone new. The sheer excitement and promise of new adventures with a person you like are quite rewarding. That first date, first kiss, and eventual sex are what it’s all about. But how do you avoid doing something you don’t enjoy for the sake of your crush liking you a tiny bit more?

Well, that’s a good question lots of people ask themselves. It’s easy to fall for someone and forget about boundaries completely. No matter what your intentions are, they can easily slip away. Therefore, it’s essential to develop some basic boundaries you’ll go by in your private life.

The slower you allow your new partner to experience your body to the fullest, the more you’ll be able to recognize if they’re worthy of it. Although it sounds a bit tough, it’s a valuable idea you should take into consideration. It’s not uncommon to hear stories from friends or family about giving too much to someone and getting nothing in return; hence, playing it nice and easy will help you pave a straight way into a lasting and loving relationship.

What Boundaries?

Boundaries in a relationship vary from person to person. Considering the fact that we all have different personalities, we’re all bound to find different things acceptable while dating another person. The same works for sex, but it can get a bit more complicated in that department. So let’s discuss some basic things people usually find unacceptable in any healthy relationship.

Essentially, you’ll probably start texting your crush before you even go out on a date. This means that you can provide them with enough information about what you find okay and unacceptable in advance. For example, it’s okay for the two of you to check on each other during the day, but it shouldn’t go into full-on control mode. Also, keeping your phone and personal messages private is key to not allowing yourself to fall under someone else’s influence.

However, when it comes to sex boundaries with a new partner, it tends to get a bit complex. Firstly, not sleeping with someone new in the beginning is perfectly normal, and you shouldn’t allow anyone to pressure you into having sex if you’re not ready. On the other hand, if you take that step and have an intimate moment together, express what actions are okay for you. What you want and what you find unacceptable should be clear from the get-go.

The Importance of Boundaries

Having sexual boundaries with your partner is nothing unordinary. It’s an easy yet effective way to build a healthy relationship with another person. The whole point is to feel safe around someone and know that they won’t do anything to harm you. Moreover, it’s also beneficial for your partner since they’ll know how to act around you.

There’s nothing worse than having two people who like each other but don’t understand how to communicate. Furthermore, boundaries are important for you to have a healthy and enjoyable sex life. It’s much more than chatting online and displaying affection in public.

Then again, why is it important to set sex boundaries? Well, sexual relationships can get quite tricky if both partners don’t accept one another’s ideas and wishes. Hence, talking about what’s okay and what’s not will help both of you explore your sexual lives in a much safer way. It’s okay to say no to having sex on the first date or during the first month of a new relationship.

Boundaries can help you stay clear of dangerous people. Not only will you be able to recognize if someone is trying to take advantage of you, but boundaries will also allow you to steer your relationship in a direction you’re fine with. A quality love life is built on trust and communication, and setting boundaries will help you do just that.

Setting Your Boundaries

As we’ve said already, different people will have different ideas of what is acceptable for them. This means that you can’t find a universal set of rules to implement with your partner. However, there are some basic examples that you should make sure to follow.

Firstly, it’s important to tell your lover if you’re okay with them checking on you during the day. Tons of messages and voicemail can get pretty disturbing quickly. Also, you should explain to them if you’re okay with them following and befriending your friends and family on social media and in real life. Some people assume you’re as good as married after only a couple of dates, and they start to dig up on your personal life without you even knowing it.

When it comes to the question of how to set sex boundaries, you’ll need to be direct and honest. Communication and sharing are vital for sexual health. This means that talking about sex at the beginning of a new relationship is essential. What you like to do in the bedroom, how often you want to do it, safe words, and how kinky you want to be are some key topics you need to address.

When to Push the Boundaries

Like with all rules, there comes a time when we decide to bend them a little bit. The same could be said for healthy boundaries and sexual acts. Once we see that we can enjoy our relationships differently, we can always talk to our partners about new ideas and ways of changing things up a bit. Of course, pushing boundaries should never be taken for granted by anyone.

Pushing sexual boundaries is one thing, but removing them is something else entirely. It’s important to be absolutely sure about it before you share the idea with your partner. You don’t want it to come out of the blue while you’re having sex and make them uncertain of your actions. So talk about it, explain your feelings, and appreciate their point of view too.

Adding something new to your sex life can prove to be the best choice you’ll ever make. Every relationship comes to a point where things become mundane and dull. However, by introducing something new, something your partner has longed for patiently, can make your bond even stronger.

Once both partners feel comfortable, anything is possible. Sexual preferences are many; therefore, playing around with new concepts and ideas might kick-start your relationship once again. Just remember — you shouldn’t do anything if you don’t feel comfortable with it as it can easily tear down everything you’ve been building up to that point.

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