It’s Okay to Be Vanilla

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Having Vanilla Sex Won’t Endanger Your Kinky Persona

When people talk about vanilla sex, they usually have some backward image of heterosexual couples having the most boring sex ever (probably in the missionary position). You know that image — the guy is thrusting his hips slowly and shallowly, and the lady is gazing at the ceiling, trying to count all the spots and wondering if they should paint it the following weekend?

But is that what vanilla sex is really all about? Given that the image implies that a vanilla sex life is mind-numbingly boring, we have to say — hell no. Truth be told, vanilla sex has a terrible rep for no reason whatsoever.

Who said that every sexual encounter we have has to be an elaborate BDSM scene? Who said that every round of sex has to have at least a couple of sex toys for couples involved? Or that you have to keep doing your damn hardest to make your kinky sex hotter, better, more passionate, and, of course, kinkier?

Well, no one. However, people in the kink community seem to think that if their sexual encounters don’t fall within the kink category, they aren’t worth mentioning. What’s more, they believe they shouldn’t discuss them because they are so embarrassingly dull. For a community that’s all about “no kink-shaming,” we seem to have a lot of prejudice toward vanilla sex and all sexual practices that aren’t inherently kinky.

Today, we are dispelling all false theories about vanilla sex and making a firm statement — it’s okay to have vanilla sex.

Vanilla Sex? I Don’t Know Her

If you’re wondering what vanilla sex is, the answer is probably — the sex you’re having. Let’s be honest, if you’ve never heard of the term, you probably aren’t kinky and, therefore, not well-versed in the terminology.

However, that doesn’t mean you’re having bad sex. No, sir! The term vanilla sex originated as a reference to vanilla ice cream. You know, plain and ordinary. It refers to sex that doesn’t include any accessories, kinks, or any “out of the box” activities. That means that vanilla sex includes no anal, role-playing, threesomes, bondage, double dildos, any couple sex toys, or all those other things 50 Shades of Grey never told you about (because it’s a travesty in literary form).

Vanilla sex is simply no-nonsense sex. It’s two naked people getting each other off in bed.

To be honest, that sounds pretty awesome. What’s better than mutual orgasms? Not much if you ask us. So how come plain and ordinary sexual activity has such a bad rep in the kink community?

Well, it’s probably because us kinksters are an overachieving bunch. What’s more, we like to push the envelope and go to extremes when we like something. Consequently, vanilla sex sounds like a death sentence to us.

But the thing is — we know it isn’t true. Here’s what makes vanilla sex awesome.

Vanilla Sex Allows for a Shift in Focus

When you’re not focusing on the bondage attire or giving orders to your sub, listening for the dreaded safe word, or making sure that all the toys are in all the right places, do you know what you do have the time and energy to focus on? Your partner.

Some people prefer vanilla sex because it allows them to focus more on the individual they are actually having sex with. Of course, we’re not bashing anyone’s sexual preferences here. You can focus on your partner even when you’re having BDSM sex. However, when you take all the “embellishments” of kink away, the only thing you can do is focus on your partner and their sexual pleasure. See 13 things to try if you’re new to BDSM.

Not to mention that, because it isn’t “distracting,” vanilla sex can be more successful in terms of orgasms (or even simultaneous orgasms!).

Romance and Love

Some people say that vanilla sex is more romantic. That ties in with our previous statement — when you can allocate all your time and energy to your partner, you can make sex more loving. The connection can be more profound, and the intimacy of vanilla sex is almost palpable.

Because there are no distractions and you have the time to do all the things you do so well (because you’ve done them before), you can actually worship your partner’s body the way it deserves to be worshiped.

The Beauty of Spontaneity and the Lack of Extensive Ground Rules

The hard truth of the BDSM community is that you can’t have a quicky scene. You have to take the time to negotiate the relationship, accessories, roles, boundaries, and many other things. This type of sex requires planning, open verbal communication, and quite a bit of prep.

Vanilla sex, on the other hand, can be a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” type of an affair. Because there are no extensive ground rules that you have to continually keep in the back of your mind while having sex, and no safe words to be on the lookout for, vanilla sex can be more spontaneous than kinky sex.

Vanilla Sex Is Still Fun

So, vanilla sex is easy. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun. Sure, you don’t have to dress up and whip out toys that would scar a nun for life. You’ll still have plenty of fun (even if you just slid out of your sweatpants for some hanky-panky instead of some elaborate latex attire).

Do you remember the image we mentioned at the beginning of our article? The dull, monotonous, and ultimately mundane image of two people having boring sex?

Yeah, vanilla sex doesn’t have to be like that. That’s just another stereotype that’s giving it the lousy rep we also mentioned. Vanilla sex can still be experimental, dynamic, and hot. And it can last all night if you want it to!

Always Remember — Having Vanilla Sex Doesn’t Mean You’ve Forsaken the Kink

Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with having regular sex. That doesn’t mean you’ll be banished from the kink community. You can step away from your fetishes for a while without feeling as if you’re a fraud.

People who struggle with accepting that regular sex is lovely and allowed need to realize that it’s alright to have a palate cleanser from time to time. In fact, it’s perfectly fine to do whatever it is you feel like doing at the moment. As long as there’s consent from all parties involved, you can have fun any way you see fit!