LGBTQ Relationships 101

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Rules and Lessons of LGBTQ Relationships

When you’re in an LGBTQ relationship, you’re quite often faced with strangers asking ridiculous questions. “Who’s the man and who’s the woman?” As if they can’t grasp the mere concept of sexual orientation and gender identity!

“If you’re a lesbian couple, who picks up the restaurant bill?” they ask as if women don’t have their own income. And, if they are particularly nasty, homophobic, and dumb, they’ll raise the question of domestic violence. If you’re a gay couple, who’s hitting whom? Ridiculous.

Honestly, Einstein was right — the stupidity of some people is immeasurable.

Heterosexual couples often rely on societal norms when it comes to their behavior toward their partners. LGBTQ people, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury. Some say that is a plus, while others think that it only contributes to confusion among adolescents. Young people, especially queer LGBTQ youth, are already stumbling their way through life’s hardships, such as dating. Add to that the complete and utter chaos that arises when you can’t even follow societal norms, and you get mayhem.

Some people might still be surprised by this, but being in a healthy relationship doesn’t mean following a set of pre-established rules. Those rules are mostly outdated and too generalized to fit everyone.

Still, the LGBTQ community seems to have its own set of guidelines that aren’t rules as much as they are lessons learned and shared between various generations of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people.

Valuable Lessons and Relationship Advice That Everyone Learns In an LGBTQ Relationship

So, there are no rules about who’s supposed to pay the bill. But do you really need those? Just take turns and try to be fair. That’s especially true if you’re young and still in that “forever broke” phase of your life.

Still, several guidelines might save you some long, sleepless nights and help you find your way on the dating scene.

The Importance of Being Out

If you’re actively looking for a partner and ask older members of our community what to aim for, most will tell you to look for someone similar to you. That’s pretty much a given in any relationship.

However, in an LGBTQ relationship, it also includes the big, dreaded question of outing yourself. If you and your partner aren’t equal on that playing field, you could potentially have a lot more problems than other couples. Dating someone who isn’t out might require you to go back to the closet, which, in turn, might be hard or even traumatic.

Don’t Become Joined at the Hip

One of the most common traps for LGBTQ couples is that they become too close to each other. They start living in each other’s pockets. Here’s the thing — even if you live in a big city, the LGBTQ community is relatively small, and everyone knows somebody who knows somebody who knows your partner. Remember Alice’s chart? Yeah. Every lesbian is no more than six steps away from all other lesbians.

So, it’s fairly common that you and your partner start hanging out with each other all the time. Your friends become their friends and vice versa.

When you don’t have time for yourself or at least some time away from your partner, there’s a slight possibility that you’ll get fed up.

Don’t Let Powerplay Ruin Your Time

Having a healthy relationship where both partners are equal is extremely important for LGBTQ people. It’s almost as vital as having an extensive social support system.

That’s precisely why you must avoid power play. You might not realize it, but having specific roles where one partner holds most or all the power isn’t healthy. We’re not only talking about sexual roles (although versatility is the mother of having a good time) but also about making sure that both partners are comfortable and have a voice in the relationship.

The Doubts Never Really Go Away

We’re not going to lie to you. The doubts about whether your relationship is the real deal or if it’s just a fling will never really go away. Gay people have a specific way of navigating their relationships. We love making fun of lesbians who bring a U-Haul to their second date. However, there’s a smidge of truth in there due to their persistence to committing.

We have been systematically and systemically denied rights and validation throughout history. Therefore, when we see an opportunity to have something real and tangible, we dive right in. But that doesn’t mean we don’t doubt ourselves.

Double Your Wardrobe

One of the most lighthearted positives of being in an LGBTQ relationship is that you’re dating a person who looks similar to you. That means you can “steal” their clothes without looking like a cliche “girl who stole her huge boyfriend’s hoodie.”

But Also Your “Feels” Talk

Most people who “straddle the fence” and date all genders will have preferences when it comes to dating. Bi and pan girls will say they enjoy the emotional aspects of their relationships with girls because they share and communicate more. Likewise, guys in gay relationships might also have an easier time communicating with their partners since they can connect with men more comfortably.

So, How Does It All Differ From a Straight Relationship?

In essence, LGBTQ relationships don’t differ from straight ones. In both cases, we’re talking about two people who like, love, and respect each other.

However, there are still staggering differences between the two communities. LGBTQ couples communicate more and are generally more open-minded when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You’ll hardly find a straight person being best friends with their ex and their new partner treating that as something normal. Among the LGBTQ community, this is quite a typical occurrence.

What’s more, the open-mindedness doesn’t stop there. As a community, we’re also more accepting of found families and alternative methods of conception. Because we face challenges each day of our lives, we’re more realistic when it comes to serious topics such as these. We also have a more pragmatic outlook on Hollywood-type romance. Since we rarely see it in the media, we don’t expect it in real life. Couples also communicate more, have realistic expectations of their relationships, and know just how much effort genuine commitment takes.

Some would think that we’re peer advocates for how LGBTQ relationships are simply better than others. That, of course, isn’t the case. LGBTQ couples face the same challenges as straight couples do. However, they also have several other, live-altering obstacles to cope with as well. That makes the relationships the same in essence, but different in minutia.